depressed
August 09, 2004@1:40 pm.
I've been feeling really shitty lately so I havent written...but I feel like maybe if I write it all down I may feel a little bit better..
I went to Reachout at Lakeside July 18-23...it was fun and all but I usually felt like I was being left out of this feeling that everyone else was having...Carly went and quickly left me behind for new friends that she knew there. She would always say that I could hang out with them, but then would leave me before we even left for town. It was a bummer, I felt out of the loop and unloved, so I usually went out and sat on the pier by myself just so I could get a little peace and quite and see some of the beauty of the lake. I decided to run for PC, which is the Planning Committee for the camp that meets throughout the year. Its a big thing at camp and you have to get up and give a speech about your faith in front of the whole camp and then 7 people are elected. Well I wasn't elected, and as trivial as that may sound, I think that May have sent me in my downward spiral that I find myself in now. I was kinda thinking that being a PC would be a way for me to serve God and something for me to put my energy into for the year. After this I kinda just started to think about all the crappy things that were happening in my life and I couldn't focus on anything except for that. Its been 2 weeks now and I still feel like its affecting me. I cant seem to get out of this slump.
My friends seem to have found other things to do with out me....I'm working 30-40 hours a week so it seems like whenever I do find something to do...I'm at damn Krogers.
And to add to all of this, I can't seem to get over this guy. He has a girlfriend and has for over a year, so its not like it's an uncommited relationship..but i just can't seem to get him outta my head, and stop myself from talking to him all the time. It sucks, he seems to be one of the only people who I can talk to about a lot of this stuff, but whenever I do see him I'm reminded of what I can't have....So it sucks, it just really sucks....