confused
March 09, 2005@10:16 pm.
whew..this week has been crazy. We have been having late start all week, which is nice b/c I dont have to go to school until 10, but I also dont get out of school until 2, almost an hour after I usually get out...its messing up my sense of time afterschool.
So outdoor has started, and I'm torn as to wheter I should stay on the team or not...ahhh!!! I cant stand not being able to make up my mind, I feel like I'm not having fun anymore, which is really the point of doing it in the first place. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way, but I feel like I can't just quit on the team. I need to make my decision soooon!!! Even with throwing everyday, I just dont love it anymore, I dont have my coach on my side, I don't really have anyone rooting for me, giving me a reason to stay. I don't know what I should do. I'm so torn.
I went to some Bible studies with Rachel this week. I went back to younglife on monday and Tiff's on tuesday. I feel like I've lost God, I've been feeling like this for a while. I just forget what its like to be walking with Him, the joy that it gives me. I don't know how I got here. I feel like I got to a point where I was with God in everything I did, and when I was doing this, I stopped trying to learn and grow more...like I already knew all the answers and knew how to live a Christian life. But because I have stopped trying to learn more, I have stopped growing and have grown farther from God. I need to start learning and living again, I always am at church, but I think I'm there now for more of a social thing, I need to change that and focus on what is being taught to make my time worth while. I have such a short time here before I leave for school, I need to use it in the best way possible.
I need to talk to someone now...I have to figure this stuff out