depressed
April 14, 2002@7:35 pm.
ok so im in a really depressed mood. Which is very unusual for me - usually im an upbeat person - well u know what i mean. But dah this weekend has made me mad. And it doesnt help that i keep listening to "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter. I know I shouldnt cuase it always makes me sad but i love that song so much. Lyrics being as follows:
He was working through college on my grandpa's farm.
I was thirsting for knowledge and he had a car.
I was caught somewhere between a woman and a child.
When one restless summer we found love growing wild.
On the banks of the river on a well beaten path.
It's funny how those memories they last.
Like strawberry wine and seventeen.
The hot July moon saw everything.
My first taste of love oh bittersweet.
Green on the vine.
Like strawberry wine.
I still remember when thirty was old.
And my biggest fear was September when he had to go.
A few cards and letters and one long distance call.
We drifted away like the leaves in the fall.
But year after year I come back to this place.
Just to remember the taste.
Of strawberry wine and seventeen.
The hot July moon saw everything.
My first taste of love oh bittersweet.
Green on the vine.
Like strawberry wine.
The fields have grown over now.
Years since they've seen the plow.
There's nothing time hasn't touched.
Is it really him or the loss of my innocence.
I've been missing so much.
Like strawberry wine and seventeen.
The hot July moon saw everything.
My first taste of love oh bittersweet.
Green on the vine.
Like strawberry wine.
So yea i love this song. I think the reason that it makes me so sad is cause i really REALLy want a boyfriend. Im going through a lonely period. I guess i havent really had a guy in a long time and its pissing me off lately. The guys i like are all my friends so they dont ever consider me as "girlfriend material" the worst is whne they start asking me for advice on other girls - dah! And its not helping @ all that all of my friends seem to be hooking up left and right lately and so they all are doing stuff with their b/f and im just a loser all by myself. )-:
The worst part is that i just feel like i dont have anyone to talk to bout all this. My best friends are either hooked up or guys. And i would talk to kerri but it seems like we're drifting apart which is really making me mad. We used to be best friends and i still consider her a really close friend but we're not near as close as we were before. And the crappy party is all my new friends and i just started to get close so i dunno if they'll just up and leave or anything. I know kerri will be there.
I've been trying to get us closer by going out or hanging out together or something but i'm really busy with track and work. So that really sucks. we were gonna do something this weekend but my sister got confirmed so my whole weekend was basialy doin stuff @ church with that.
Another thing. With track im doing crappy lately. Not so much with disc but with shot. Ive been workin really hard and im not getting any better. Plus my coach Fritz whos been my coach in both Middle and high school so im really close with had surgery and it went wrong so shes gone for the rest of the season. So that sucks in itself. But see now the guys coach has to coach both guys and girls throwing so he cant help me as much. I know hes doing the best he can but it still sucks.
Well the weekend is almost over and i wanna enjoy the rest of it. Even though ill prob be goin to bed within the next 2 hours. Oh well im a loser and i know it. I must go now and try and cheer myself up - maybe go on a run....oh that sounds good. Ok well bye
ali